Muffin
Muffin has become one of Cat Crimes HQ's most persistent property offenders, specialising in the unauthorised removal of cords, drawstrings and anything remotely dangling. What appears to investigators as deliberate criminal damage is believed by the suspect to be an essential public service.
Operating almost entirely on instinct, Muffin has an extraordinary ability to detect swinging hoodie cords, dressing gown ties and jogging trouser drawstrings from remarkable distances. Once a target has been identified, witnesses report there is little that can distract him from his mission.
"It looked like it wanted chasing."
Despite previous arrest and a brief period in custody, Muffin returned to offending almost immediately after spotting a loose drawstring blowing across a nearby field. Investigators believe rehabilitation is unlikely while clothing manufacturers continue attaching cords to garments.
Cat Crimes HQ considers the suspect highly unpredictable around hoodies, jogging bottoms and dressing gowns. Members of the public are advised to secure all loose strings before approaching, as the suspect has shown no sign of learning from previous convictions.
- Hunting hoodie cords and jogging trouser drawstrings
- Removing drawstrings with remarkable precision
- Chasing loose cords across fields, parks and gardens
- Becoming hopelessly tangled in his own stolen evidence
- Claiming every drawstring “started it first”
- Returning whenever another drawstring starts blowing in the wind
- Pursuing floating drawstrings with complete disregard for personal safety
IT NEVER STOOD A CHANCE.