Muffin
The Sweat Pant Cord Thief
Suspect Overview
Official suspect profile maintained by Cat Crimes HQ.
Information below is updated as new intelligence is received.
- Known Alias: The Sweat Pant Cord Thief
- Status: At Large
- Threat Level:
Cord Obsessed - Confirmed Sightings: 0
- Last Confirmed Location: None Yet Confirmed
- Last Report Received: None on File
- Reward: Detective recognition for verified intelligence.
🗂️ Investigation Log #001
Date: 27 May 2026
Classification: Initial Intelligence
Filed By: Cat Crimes HQ
Summary
Muffin first came to the attention of Cat Crimes following a suspicious incident in the menswear department of Primark.
Store staff reported seeing the suspect loitering near a display of jogging trousers and behaving unusually. When approached, Muffin attempted to leave the area while carrying several jogging-trouser cords in his mouth.
A search of the surrounding department revealed multiple pairs of trousers with their cords partially removed, chewed through or missing entirely.
The suspect refused to explain how he had entered the building or what he intended to do with the cords. Before officers could detain him for questioning, Muffin disappeared beneath a nearby clothing rail and escaped through an unidentified route.
Investigators believe this may not have been an isolated incident.
Investigator Notes
- Suspect displays a strong interest in cords, strings and drawstrings.
- Primarily targets jogging trousers and hooded clothing.
- Frequently loiters near unattended laundry and clothing displays.
- Known to chew through evidence when challenged.
- Motive remains unclear.
📁 Additional Investigation Logs
Witness Statement #002
“I was working in the menswear department when I noticed a tabby cat wandering around between the displays of jogging trousers.
At first, I thought he might belong to a customer, but he appeared to be shopping alone and seemed particularly interested in the jogging bottoms.
A short time later, I found several pairs of jogging trousers thrown across the floor. The cords had been completely removed from a number of them, and loose threads were hanging from the waistbands.
We searched the department and eventually spotted the cat attempting to escape down the escalator.
Unfortunately for him, he had chosen the escalator travelling upwards. He was running down it as quickly as he could, but remained in almost exactly the same place.
He continued for quite some time before becoming frustrated, turning around and disappearing back into the menswear department.
Several jogging-trouser cords were recovered near the escalator, although some are still missing.”
Evidence Recorded
- Multiple pairs of jogging trousers found on the floor.
- Drawcords removed from several garments.
- Loose cords recovered near the escalator.
- Suspect observed attempting to flee the department.
- Escape delayed by incorrect escalator selection.
“Although Muffin showed questionable judgement when choosing his escape route, the suspect eventually disappeared into the clothing department and successfully avoided capture.”